made time.

it felt so good to make time for painting this weekend. the more i get immersed in my business venture, the more i'm savoring time without computers, lists, phone calls. i want quiet. i want art. here is crazy sunday lady. sunday lady with bouquet mish mash on her head.

i've been catching up on some blogs tonight. i'm so inspired and comforted by all of you blogging, creators across the land :)
i hope to write more later. i kind of miss being here on sweet pomona.
good night.
xo

hello

well, it's sunday night...and i didn't paint this weekend. but...i did start to clean my studio. sort of. tomorrow i commit to paint for at least one hour. one wee hour.
here's a painting i did with my friend, tiffany. the photo is not the best because of the glare. she seems contemplative and peaceful. i could use a little more of both of those things!
happy new week, everyone.
xo
amy

more dreaming.

Dream. Dream. Dream. More dreaming.

I decided to do the dream lab. My friend, Sarah, brought it up and at first I thought--no, no can do. I'm done dreaming. But then I reassessed. It just seemed right. So I signed up and I'm excited about it!

A few mondo beyondo dreams have unfolded. #1--our neighbors moved out. AND, before they moved out, they APOLOGIZED for being bad neighbors. And we also apologized for not being the best neighbors, too. It was really kind of amazing and healing.

#2--the universe is answering some other mondo but I don't want to jinx it so I'm just not going to talk about it right now.

#3--art workshop--I'm going to a Katie Kendrick workshop this weekend! Whoohooo!

Here's something I've been working on. It's acrylic and mixed media on wood. Not sure if it's done or where it's going. I did layers and layers of paint on top of magazine and children's encyclopedia pictures. Then when the paint dried, I started scratching at it, and then I started to uncover what I had originally mod podged down and had forgotten about. I've been having fun in my studio.

Oh, and I got a haircut. It's a little short but I've been itching to get a shorter haircut for a long time and I took the plunge.

Oh, and I also got a sturdy, $13 easel this weekend at a garage sale. And this vintage apron that I will use for painting. And that mirror there is also a $5 thrift store find. It's big and heavy and I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with it.

I'm so sleepy and off to bed. Happy summer solstice to all!

colors

Denver has changed so many colors today. It started off hot and dry and sunny...then windy and cool. And now, the sky is a deep purple and it looks like it might rain. I love this kind of Saturday afternoon, and I love Denver's weather, the changes, the dryness, the lack of humidity. I miss the midwest sometimes, especially my family, but it would be so hard to leave this climate. I think it's my favorite thing about Denver.

I'm posting more art. I don't really know why I keep posting my art. Well, I take that back. I started to post my art because I wanted to share the process. I have been afraid of the process of art for a long time, and so I kind of wanted to demystify for it myself. I guess I'm attempting to simply create and I'm wanting to stay away from the temptation to be a "good" artist--I just want to get more confidence in actually creating. Make it a habit. I want it to be true rather than good. Obviously ;)
Art journal page. Still working on this self portrait thing.
And this was the previous self portrait but I felt the need to paint abstractly. I found the words "Recipe for a magical childhood" and mod podged them in the middle.

I'm still kind of embarrassed to post all this. Oh well. Not that there are many of you out there reading...although my profile says nearly 1000 people have looked at this blog, I think it's about five people looking at it about 200 times each. Thanks for continuing to look :)

Middle of May

And I'm doing okay. I'm about to go on a walk with a friend and then we're going to soak in the hot springs! I am in need of some relaxation. I went to acupuncture yesterday, and when I was getting ready to leave, I think I saw the acupuncturist's notes on me say something like "acute stress." Nice. Though that seems about right, I also think that the "acute" part is unraveling and I'm finding room for calm and peace.

I've been painting. It's all so dang messy. I am trying to accept it. I think I need to carve out even more time to paint because sometimes when I'm doing things messy, it's because I'm doing things very quickly. As if I don't deserve the time. So I think it's partly--there's a lot of messy stuff happening in my life and so I want to just do my art messy--and then there's the fact that I think I'm not allowing or giving myself enough time to paint and just "be" there for awhile.

This is my most recent one. I don't know what it's called. I wrote "grief" and "suffocated" on the painting. Maybe that's what it's called. Suffocated grief.Have I mentioned what a crappy camera I have? I really want a new one some day. Soon. On the above picture, in the chest area, there is a clock, but you can't see it because the camera is so crappy. And maybe my skills aren't the best, either.

Here's more messy paintings.
Couldn't get a proper shot of that one. Here's a little bit of detail. Even though this is so messy and kinda ugly in my opinion it speaks a lot of truth to me.
And a self-portrait that I keep starting over. I'm trying to learn to do self-portraits. I struggle. Especially with the eyes lately. And with combining color. BUT, I am having fun. Oh, how I love to paint and get my hands all messy!
I have some journal pages--very messy journal pages :)--that maybe I'll post tomorrow.

I stumbled upon a really good quote last weekend that spoke to my previous post of dismantling and I love it.

"When all the illusions and props are kicked away and dismantled, maybe then a proper foundation can finally be dug and laid."

Yes.

Happy, sunny day!

Revised

via stilleben

Blogging has been on my mind and I have not had time to actually do it. Well, here I am today.

I've been wrestling with Mondo Beyondo stuff. Mondo Beyondo is really a simple class. You get something new to read everyday, sometimes you get a little "assignment." It seems easy. But it's really not. Facing things about myself that I really want, yet don't yet have, can be scary, daunting and frustrating. I keep coming back to this phrase in my mind...."everything I want, who I really want to be....it's just on the other side of myself." It's not like I want to be a different person, I just want to be who I really am. It's tiring to not be myself. I think I am mostly true to myself, but the times I'm not--they are tiring, exhausting, toxic times.

I realize, too, that when I posted my list on my blog, I revised a few things because they seemed too silly--which is funny because Mondo Beyondo is essentially about being outrageous with our dreams. I also left things out because I felt too vulnerable, too exposed.
Here is what I revised:
When I said that I want to get a camera, preferably a Canon EOS Rebel XTi, I really wrote, "be given a Canon EOS Rebel XTi"
I felt selfish posting that. Outrageous. But you know what, that was one of my Mondo Beyondos.

Another thing I didn't post publicly--I have had ongoing "female" related issues. I want them gone. I want to feel healthy. I want to enjoy my body. Be in my body. Be healthy, fully alive. I want to never, ever have a damn YI again. Oh, and I want a healthy cervix, which I think it is--have a pap tomorrow. I want a healthy uterus. I want to become pregnant, have my cervix stay closed for nine months, and I want it to open and I want to give birth naturally to a healthy baby. I really, really want that. I don't want another miscarriage. I feel adamant about that, and I kind of shoved that in on the bottom of my list, when it really is entirely important.

Something left off my list: I want kind, quiet neighbors. Our neighbors have been causing us strife for the last year. The police are there many times, there are major domestic issues, yelling, screaming--horrible energy to have coming into our home. I really, really, want kind, quiet, non-toxic neighbors. I feel so powerless to this situation, that I realized I left it off my list. I want to not feel at our neighbors mercy, I want to not feel powerless to them harassing us.

Something BIG I think I left out of my list: I want to go to an art retreat like SQUAM, or JournalFest. I want to meet other supportive artists. I want genuine support. I am making a little dent toward that--I am going to a workshop in June with Kelly Kendrick. Yay!

What in your life needs to be revised? What do you really want? What do you continually, even unconsciously, talk yourself out of doing/saying/expressing/being?

weekend painting.

I spent all weekend painting. I used to paint really fast, finishing each painting very quickly. I wanted to be done fast, in a big sweeping "woooooosh."

About two years ago I went to this awesome women's process painting workshop. It was Friday night, all Saturday and Sunday. We were forced to work on the same painting all weekend. We couldn't "start over." We had to refrain from saying both positive and negative things about our art and other's art--it wasn't about being "good" or "bad"--it was about painting and about our own process.

I learned a ton at that workshop--how I used to paint really fast because I thought I should "get it done" fast, and that I shouldn't spend time on something so "pointless or useless." What I found out that weekend was the truth: that I actually wanted and needed more time to paint. Lots and lots of time. The ongoing question is now...can I give myself lots of time and fight the inner critic?

Anyway, painting this weekend reminded me of that workshop. I loved painting all weekend, but I hated this actual painting most of the time.
painting part 1:
But I had to sit with that. Again, the voices of "it's ugly...it's weird...what the F" etc, etc. But I sat through it.
Painted through it.
I still don't feel totally satisfied with it:

But that's not the point. It feels "done." Even though posting this process is actually hard, because I look back and like other stages better. But I'm letting it go.

This is what I love about art and about process art: I learn so much about myself--how to work through my own judgments, or at least let them just be there without dictating me. Because if my judgments had dictated me, I would have painted really fast, like for one hour, and then would have put it away the whole weekend and done something else that would have not been nearly as fun and meaningful.

Well, that felt good. :).
I'm going to go outside now and enjoy this sunny day.
xo

Messy

This morning, I woke up early and painted! It was a snow day--it snowed a ton last night and the town seemed shut down. I had planned to go to a volunteer training at Girls, Inc., but that was canceled. It's funny, though, by 2 pm the sun is out in Denver and the streets are all clear. The sidewalks are melting. I love that about Denver--the sun warms everything.

Here's a painting I started today. I don't know what it's really about, or where it's going, or if it's finished. I found some old sketch pads and mod podged the sketches to my canvas. The sketch I did felt very primitive, or something. Sparse. I'm having fun mixing colors and being very messy.
Here's how it started.
Here's where it went
And I'm getting into the swing of journaling. I just do a little everyday. I try to not really plan, just intuit, and go with it. This kind of process seems to feel so good right now. It feels so good to be so messy.
Here's one inspired by a Neko Case song:

I've been realizing what keeps me from doing art: All the "shoulds." I have always felt like there was some way one should paint, like there were rules and techniques and a secret code that I must "get" in order to create. Instead I've been giving myself permission to just "do." There's always a little resistance--"it's so ugly!" "it's so messy!" "uggh, what would someone think of this!" But I am ignorning those things because that's not that point. There's really no point and that's what I'm liking.

And here's the kind of morning it was. All the dogs followed me downstairs. I tried to take a picture of all of them snuggled in the room, but only Gus stayed for the picture.

Happy Wednesday!
xo

blogging and stuff

I realize that I write this blog much different than I write in my art journal. Because I think people (maybe one or two people! ha!) are reading it, I write differently. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to just write. Let's see how that works.

When I was doing some art journaling last night I felt so frustrated. I hated everything that was coming out of me. I tried to paint. I hated what I painted. I realized that this frustration with painting and creating was mirroring how I feel about everything lately. Nothing that comes out of me feels "right"--whether it's teaching, what I'm wearing, what I'm painting.
I can't tell if I'm just not accepting myself, or if I'm somehow fighting my natural flow, and therefore, frustrated. Dang. I'm frustrated that I can't even figure that out!

Oh well. It's friday.

I'm very happy about that fact. We are going to Neko Case tomorrow night. I can't wait!!!
Here's one of my favorite songs of hers....

wisdom

Lee Krasner, Listen (1957)

I found this quote via etsy on kendra zvonik's page.
"I never violate an inner rhythm. I loathe to force anything . . . I don't know if the inner rhythm is Eastern or Western. I know it is essential for me. I listen to it and I stay with it. I have always been this way. I have regards for the inner voice."
-lee krasner

I really love that. I like the idea of inner rhythm even more than "inner voice." It does feel more like a rhythm to me--sometimes a lull, a beat, or sometimes a song. It's almost harder to ignore than to just go with it. I do this to myself...I ignore that inner voice. There are days where I procrastinate everything I want to do--whether it's exercise, art, being present. It's like I don't think I deserve to do what I really want to do. Hmmmm.
Today I will remember Lee Krasner's words today. Especially tonight during my art journaling class. Yay!

creating. space.

snowy sunday here in denver. i kind of like it...and i kind of don't. i am ready for spring! winter started early this year, in early october. and denver hasn't had its regular doses of sunshine. but... it also has been kind of fun to spend days holed up in the house, doug making fires in the fireplace, cooking, snuggling. and the past few days, now that my creative space is finished (above!), i have more time to create.

there's a bit more to do, but my studio space is pretty much done (above). it's a tiny room, but doug built a nice wall, we painted it a very light, subtle blue (that basically looks white), painted the exposed ceilings a creamy white, and got some cool lights from barnlight electric. doug built a great shelf with pipes coming down from the ceiling, and he's going to build one more underneath. i love it. it's light, clean, inspiring and a fun space to be. how lucky i am!

and here's some finished art. this is the finished form from the previous post--the painting that looked like a pot with some kind of plant coming out. it became a tree! hope everyone has a nice, lazy sunday. xo

work in progress

i've had fun the past few days. my husband who is so supportive, finished off this little room in the basement and it's now my studio (pictures of the studio to come)! i'm transitioning (for now) out of vintage clothing. i love thrifting and finding great things, we simply don't have enough room in the house for the clothes and shoes and boots!

so, now, i'm committing time to art. it was one of my 2010 goals. commit to creativity and art. i am taking an art journaling class and though we've only met once, it's inspired me. i went to michael's today and stocked up on some goods, and started painting today! it's been so long.
i don't know what will be become of these, but i'm enjoying the process...i love the unfolding of painting. i love color and smudging and getting my hands dirty.

here are the works in progress--one above, a tiny canvas, and a bigger canvas below. oh, and the pictures aren't great because there's something wrong with my camera. fixing that is on the to-do list.
good night!

Baby Wolf

Dear darling Baby Wolf Loom,

I am so sorry I have abandoned you. You are tucked in the basement, in a dusty small room, and I left you with an unfinished scarf. It is lovely green wool blend, soft and perfect for fall. But I started it last December. And when I moved, I didn't finish. I meant to. I'm sorry. This is embarrassing, but more than embarrassing, I am so sorry you have been unused, unloved, and hidden. Barely even able to see sun! I promise, oh I do, that I will get you out soon. Finish the scarf, put on a new warp...

Fall always reminds me how much I love weaving on you. I've been seeing so many awesome woven goods on etsy. It gives me a slight pang. I know how to weave. I used to be so proud to call myself a weaver. I used to use you every day. I would display you proudly. Pat you on the way up the stairs, dust off your heddles. I will never forget the joyous process of learning to weave at Rosemary's Fiber Shop in Ames, Iowa. By fiery Rosemary herself. Ah, the days.

But I have not given myself time to be a weaver lately. Why? Oh why? Is "no time" really an excuse??

Weaving connects me to something deeper in myself. The feel of the yarn, threading the loom, the rhythm of throwing the shuttle back and forth.

How much will I talk about NOT creating before I actually do something? Geesh. I think that writing it, for just my eyes to see in public, might help me. We'll see!
Again, Baby Wolf, please forgive me. I will come down and say hello tomorrow. Start my repentance.
xo
Amy

I've been waiting so patiently.

I love Scout Niblett. I discovered her a few years ago and then she played live in Denver, and I fell in love with everything about her--she's hilarious, charming, her music is divine, and she is so...Real. capital R. One of those people who's just her self. Embodied. Quirky and kinda weird, belts out her minimal tunes and sometimes shocks you with the sound of her voice. And sometimes you're lulled to sleep by her voice. She also plays the drums sometimes, sometimes she has a band mate, sometimes she's on her own. She's real cute, looks about 20, but is actually 36 years old.
When I watched and listened to her play, I felt a little sad because the way she is so herself, so creative, uninhibited...made me realize how often I censor myself and my creativity. She simply speaks to me. Inspires me. She's coming to Denver on September 22nd and I can't wait. Well, I'm trying to wait patiently.

Love this song, "Kiss." On her album, This Fool Can Die Now, she sings with another one of my fave's, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, but here she's just with her drummer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1wuSXS_L7s

a bit of confusion.

this painting called "taos lights" by TR Mack Studio reminds me of how i feel. i feel like i'm growing, but in so many different directions that sometimes it's confusing. i'm teaching two psych classes this semester at a college, and i like it a lot, but somehow it's squeezing out time for etsy, for my creativity. i've agreed to teach three classes next semester, one of which i get to totally create myself. which is overwhelming and exciting. as i grow older, i realize so much of life is that way. nothing is all good or all bad, everything comes with some lesson, some price. not in a bad way, but this constant balancing act can sometimes feel overwhelming. but also exciting. arrgh! see, it's always both!

lazy and rainy.

Sunday.
xo
amy

1. fiestaware 2. sleepy hollow pillow by dedeetsyshop 3. image from thegirlfromcherryblossomstreet. 4. rainy day print from missbrigette 5. rainy days vinyl wall decal from tweetheartwallart

That nagging thing you have to do.

In the last few days, I have had a nagging feeling that I need to actually create art. Paint. Draw. Collage. I have been busy, but I keep finding myself drawn to art. To artists. Wishing I was one. Knowing that it just takes "doing it" to do it.

During my office hours today, I was searching blogs. I found Kelly Rae Roberts (one of her art pieces is above). I felt a nagging ache in my belly...the need to create. Then, scrolling through her blog, I realized I actually have her book, Taking Flight , and have yet to read it! Talk about a nudge! Geesh.

Anyone else know this nagging feeling when you've put off art? Who inspires you? What inspires you?

Happy Wednesday...may tomorrow be an inspired day!
xo

Some Etsy Beauties

I adore this pig planter. From Fruit Fly Pie.
Such a sweet card! From Bird and Bread.

And I love Oktak! I got all my bridesmaids some of these pouches. They were a hit!
Another sweet heart girl from Smilin' Moon Studios. I love these portraits so much.

This yellow dress is to die for. Perfect for the end of summer. From Paper Doll Vintage.

Etsy Art!

My dear girl Edith
Originally uploaded by Art by Elizabeth Bauman

Oh, how I love portraits. I found this artist on Etsy. It's called My Dear Girl Edith. I'm in love!


Also, my new niece is named Edith, so it's especially sweet to me.

My sister, Jody, does really great, adorable portraits, too! This is one my favorite of her "heart girls."

Check out her blog and her Etsy shop!

Bohemian

"...Bohemianism is the practice of an unconventional lifestyle, often in the company of like-minded people, involving musical, artistic or literary pursuits, with few permanent ties. Bohemians can be wanderers, adventurers or vagabonds. The term bohemian, of French origin, was first used in the English language in the nineteenth century to describe the non-traditional lifestyles of marginalized and impoverished artists, writers, journalists, musicians, and actors in major European cities. Bohemians were associated with unorthodox or anti-establishment political or social viewpoints, which were often expressed through free love, frugality, and/or voluntary poverty.." From Wikipedia.

Maybe I did want to be a hippie after all? But I like the word bohemian better? Because there's something about the bohemian lifestyle that intrigues me. The wanderer part, the unconventional part, the artist part. And we're kind of impoverished right now, but not by choice ;)

My favorite poet, Mina Loy. She was an artist, playwright, Futurist, and leading member of the Greenwich Village bohemian circuit. Must read, The Lost Lunar Baedeker.
Funny that bohemian implies poor, poor artist, and unconventional, but the whole "boho chic" movement is meant for the not-so-poor (think Anthropologie), and has become more and more conventional. But I still love the whole feel of the bohemian fashion and design movement. It inspires me...