made time.

it felt so good to make time for painting this weekend. the more i get immersed in my business venture, the more i'm savoring time without computers, lists, phone calls. i want quiet. i want art. here is crazy sunday lady. sunday lady with bouquet mish mash on her head.

i've been catching up on some blogs tonight. i'm so inspired and comforted by all of you blogging, creators across the land :)
i hope to write more later. i kind of miss being here on sweet pomona.
good night.
xo

hello

well, it's sunday night...and i didn't paint this weekend. but...i did start to clean my studio. sort of. tomorrow i commit to paint for at least one hour. one wee hour.
here's a painting i did with my friend, tiffany. the photo is not the best because of the glare. she seems contemplative and peaceful. i could use a little more of both of those things!
happy new week, everyone.
xo
amy

Middle of May

And I'm doing okay. I'm about to go on a walk with a friend and then we're going to soak in the hot springs! I am in need of some relaxation. I went to acupuncture yesterday, and when I was getting ready to leave, I think I saw the acupuncturist's notes on me say something like "acute stress." Nice. Though that seems about right, I also think that the "acute" part is unraveling and I'm finding room for calm and peace.

I've been painting. It's all so dang messy. I am trying to accept it. I think I need to carve out even more time to paint because sometimes when I'm doing things messy, it's because I'm doing things very quickly. As if I don't deserve the time. So I think it's partly--there's a lot of messy stuff happening in my life and so I want to just do my art messy--and then there's the fact that I think I'm not allowing or giving myself enough time to paint and just "be" there for awhile.

This is my most recent one. I don't know what it's called. I wrote "grief" and "suffocated" on the painting. Maybe that's what it's called. Suffocated grief.Have I mentioned what a crappy camera I have? I really want a new one some day. Soon. On the above picture, in the chest area, there is a clock, but you can't see it because the camera is so crappy. And maybe my skills aren't the best, either.

Here's more messy paintings.
Couldn't get a proper shot of that one. Here's a little bit of detail. Even though this is so messy and kinda ugly in my opinion it speaks a lot of truth to me.
And a self-portrait that I keep starting over. I'm trying to learn to do self-portraits. I struggle. Especially with the eyes lately. And with combining color. BUT, I am having fun. Oh, how I love to paint and get my hands all messy!
I have some journal pages--very messy journal pages :)--that maybe I'll post tomorrow.

I stumbled upon a really good quote last weekend that spoke to my previous post of dismantling and I love it.

"When all the illusions and props are kicked away and dismantled, maybe then a proper foundation can finally be dug and laid."

Yes.

Happy, sunny day!

weekend painting.

I spent all weekend painting. I used to paint really fast, finishing each painting very quickly. I wanted to be done fast, in a big sweeping "woooooosh."

About two years ago I went to this awesome women's process painting workshop. It was Friday night, all Saturday and Sunday. We were forced to work on the same painting all weekend. We couldn't "start over." We had to refrain from saying both positive and negative things about our art and other's art--it wasn't about being "good" or "bad"--it was about painting and about our own process.

I learned a ton at that workshop--how I used to paint really fast because I thought I should "get it done" fast, and that I shouldn't spend time on something so "pointless or useless." What I found out that weekend was the truth: that I actually wanted and needed more time to paint. Lots and lots of time. The ongoing question is now...can I give myself lots of time and fight the inner critic?

Anyway, painting this weekend reminded me of that workshop. I loved painting all weekend, but I hated this actual painting most of the time.
painting part 1:
But I had to sit with that. Again, the voices of "it's ugly...it's weird...what the F" etc, etc. But I sat through it.
Painted through it.
I still don't feel totally satisfied with it:

But that's not the point. It feels "done." Even though posting this process is actually hard, because I look back and like other stages better. But I'm letting it go.

This is what I love about art and about process art: I learn so much about myself--how to work through my own judgments, or at least let them just be there without dictating me. Because if my judgments had dictated me, I would have painted really fast, like for one hour, and then would have put it away the whole weekend and done something else that would have not been nearly as fun and meaningful.

Well, that felt good. :).
I'm going to go outside now and enjoy this sunny day.
xo

blogging and stuff

I realize that I write this blog much different than I write in my art journal. Because I think people (maybe one or two people! ha!) are reading it, I write differently. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to just write. Let's see how that works.

When I was doing some art journaling last night I felt so frustrated. I hated everything that was coming out of me. I tried to paint. I hated what I painted. I realized that this frustration with painting and creating was mirroring how I feel about everything lately. Nothing that comes out of me feels "right"--whether it's teaching, what I'm wearing, what I'm painting.
I can't tell if I'm just not accepting myself, or if I'm somehow fighting my natural flow, and therefore, frustrated. Dang. I'm frustrated that I can't even figure that out!

Oh well. It's friday.

I'm very happy about that fact. We are going to Neko Case tomorrow night. I can't wait!!!
Here's one of my favorite songs of hers....

That nagging thing you have to do.

In the last few days, I have had a nagging feeling that I need to actually create art. Paint. Draw. Collage. I have been busy, but I keep finding myself drawn to art. To artists. Wishing I was one. Knowing that it just takes "doing it" to do it.

During my office hours today, I was searching blogs. I found Kelly Rae Roberts (one of her art pieces is above). I felt a nagging ache in my belly...the need to create. Then, scrolling through her blog, I realized I actually have her book, Taking Flight , and have yet to read it! Talk about a nudge! Geesh.

Anyone else know this nagging feeling when you've put off art? Who inspires you? What inspires you?

Happy Wednesday...may tomorrow be an inspired day!
xo